Is your spouse a cheerleader for your creative life?

I learned over many years of my married life that one key to a good marriage is making your partner your primary audience of your creative life.
The nature of your work does not matter, what matters is company, sitting together, listening to each other, patience, talking, and, most importantly, keen observation to each other during time sharing.

I want to share my experience that why how you do a creation matters just as much as what creative work you do.
Being ‘in a shared mood’ of our creation with our spouse when we are sitting together is something that we probably don’t do very often, but it’s something that we can cultivate and make part of our life.
It involves paying close attention to the act of creation for peace.
Looking at your creation in front of your most loved people, feeling it, absorbing it, noticing the reaction in their facial expression is the utmost satisfaction.
Ultimately, it’s about living a life together and enjoying each moment wholeheartedly in a family.

“Creative engagement is our brain’s adaptation for our peace and internal satisfaction.”

We are now very busy in this fast paced smart phone driven world, we don’t have time for each other, we have no time for patience, we love instant gratification and quick reaction, we constantly eat comfort food to help us relax.
Accept it or not, this is the majority of our lifestyle now.
We’ve done nothing wrong from our side except taking care of our own never ending hustling lives everyday.
Our society constantly teaches and pushes us to do more tasks, more work, remain busy all the time, then only we will be able to get a tag of a valuable person and we get social recognition.
But, in reality, the rocking chair moves all the time and takes us nowhere.
If we are only moving from one task to another, one activity to another, one reaction to another, one instant gratification to another, then we are more likely to have a mediocre life with mostly superficial and incorrect decisions.
There remains no energy and excitement for any kind of creative endeavors that we are born with because all the time our mind is running like a hamster in a wheel.

We need a quality time for quality decisions, which most of the time requires a calm mind, and these decisions appear to be very few in life, not whole lot, and they generally come from inaction when we have nothing to do in our empty calendar.
Quality decisions come only when you sit and relax, or walk freely in the afternoon when you have no rush for the office.
When you think of looking outside from your favorite window at home on Sunday morning, amazing things start to appear in your mind which you’ve never experienced before.
Creative engagement is our brain’s adaptation for our peace and internal satisfaction.

“By a habit of saying ‘no’ we get a lot of mental clarity of our thinking that preserves our cognitive bandwidth, and, most importantly, helps us to remain happy.”

The habit of being a primary audience for your spouse at home is related to quality time and quality decision.
This habit enriches both partner’s career and personal lives because we learn why and how to sit together and how to subtract a lot of ‘no’ from the outside world.

What the spouse audience concept does is that both partners choose to learn, to prioritize integrity, to become vulnerable and honest by listening to each other, to embrace fear and mistakes, and, most importantly, to collaborate.
Because this practice happens inside the house, not with the outside world to compete.
This is not only my theoretical point but also my own life experience and observation influenced by great thinkers and innovators.

On many occasions, before publishing any of my writings in my web portal, my wife and my two daughters act as my primary audiences and critics.
Sometimes, I make corrections after their feedback but sometimes I don’t do anything, it’s just my imaginary thinking perspective.
In either way, I’m learning a lot, especially how not to add more things in my life bucket and say ‘no’ to a lot of societal nonsense.
By doing this, we get a lot of mental clarity of our thinking that preserves our cognitive bandwidth, and, most importantly, helps us to remain happy.

“Our nervous system is the cornerstone of our mind-body connection because our thoughts, emotions, and cognitions are linked to the biological body’s mechanism through it.”

Remember, Mileva Maric Einstein, the first wife of Albert Einstein, is widely considered one of the most noted intellectual partners and critics of Einstein’s work.
In one of his letters, he wrote, “I’ll be so happy and proud when we are together and can bring our work on relative motion to a successful conclusion”.
This is just one example, there are many such examples around us.

One more example by which I’m impressed is by Gloria and Emilio Estefan’s life.
My daughter Alyssa loved a book ‘The Magically Mysterious Adventures of Noelle the Bulldog’ authored by Gloria Estefan, when she was a kid.
They have been married for over 45 years, and have operated as business partners, launching many successful philanthropic efforts together.
This is only possible by being a complement to each other in their creative lives.

The clarity of our purposeful creative work, which is beautiful by the way, makes it easy for us to say ‘no’ when people try to pull our attention away from what we think matters most, and ‘yes’ to the important things.
If something doesn’t feel right, we don’t have to settle.
Remember, firm ‘no’ is a complete sentence.
By saying ‘no’ we avoid the people and places that drain our life.

Living in alignment with our creation builds a sense of safety, stability, peace, and trust in ourselves which is very healing for our body, especially for our nervous system.
Our nervous system is the cornerstone of our mind-body connection because our thoughts, emotions, and cognitions are linked to the biological body’s mechanism through it.
Constantly making choices by accepting many ‘yes’ that go against our inner desire can lead to internal conflict, emotional distress, and more stress.
We lose time with our family, we lose peace of mind, we lose internal satisfaction, and bring more disorders and chaos in life.

“The harsh reality of life, it doesn’t give any warnings after middle age, it only gives consequences.”

Here is one example of my own life.
In my personal life, I would drop everything to travel Nepal at home to try to facilitate peace and stability in my mind if I got any opportunity to do so whatsoever.
I would drop everything to see my 94 years old dad back at my home in Nepal.
This becomes a pure personal decision for me, you might have something else purely personal attached to you.
That’s why we all humans are so different and so unique in our existence.
For me, seeing my dad brings peace and stability in my mind which I don’t get anywhere in the world.
This, for me, is the most valuable time of my life at this point to spend time and cherish with my 94 years old dad.
The bottom line, after my return seeing my dad, I naturally become more creative, this is my own experience.

How does my mind make these decisions to prioritize things in such a busy life?
To be honest, I don’t know.
This is my pure thought process, it works in my background when I have clarity and good judgement, and I’m sure it works for everyone if you practice.
Research indicates that the average active life span of humans now is about 76 years, and my dad is already 94 and reasonably healthy and active considering his age.
I, myself, am no longer in active middle age now, I already passed it, and the average active middle age is just 38.
Therefore, my mind constantly says and pushes me to go see my dad, and spend time if I can.

And, the fact is, whether you realize it or not, our days are long, but the years are much shorter.
The harsh reality of life, it doesn’t give any warnings after middle age, it only gives consequences.
Don’t waste your time overthinking what to do and what not to do, especially when the chance comes to do what you love to do.
Ultimately, the only thing you’ll regret in life is not doing more of what you love.

“Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outward reality.”

Recently, my dear friend Roman’s dad was diagnosed with glioblastoma, an aggressive form of brain cancer and died at age 54.
I am sure my dear friend never ever imagined this would be coming in his life.
I couldn’t tolerate the news but I couldn’t do anything either except absorb the pain and feel it and sympathize with him.

Annie Dillard, author of ‘Writing Life’ says “The ways we spend our minutes, our hours, and our days add up to how we spend our lives,”
‘Writing Life’ is a classic book and it blends humor, humility, and profound wisdom in our lives.
It also provides a powerful dose of encouragement for anyone who is struggling with the creative process in life.

My learning lesson is, move in your creative life unapologetically whatever it might be if that makes you happy, because people will judge you anyway whether you do it or not.
Just ignore them. Ignore their talk, reactions, and opinions.
That’s noise in your life, what you care about is your life signal which is your happiness, internal satisfaction, and freedom.
Share it with your spouse all the time.

Plutarch, a Greek philosopher and author of ‘Parallel Lives’, said beautifully,”What we achieve inwardly will change outward reality.”
Remember, our engagement in the creative process is our inward achievement.
Warren Buffett, one of my favorite human beings on the planet, always talks about the inner scorecard that we should be making our benchmark to assess our own lives.
Buffett’s life long friend, business partner, and author of ‘Poor Charlie’s Almanack’ Charlie Munger inspired society all his life by saying we must be more patient to be valuable.
Munger said, “Earn what you want because the life you dream of is built, not given.”

“Remember, the most important asset in life isn’t your skill or education or any property that you possess, the most important asset is your clear thinking power and your judgement.”

Another critical factor that is affecting our creative life is non-stop online platforms that we are bombarded with all the time if we are not conscious of what we are doing on these platforms.
These platforms are ruining more relationships, more creative lives, and more health status if you become the victim of the instant economy.

‘The Hype Machine’ is a book by Sinan Aral that I recently read.
After reading this book, I myself became awake because I was believing many things for many years which were not true at all.
Author of ‘The Hype Machine’ Sinam Aral who is a professor in MIT, clearly describes how different platforms shape what we see and share online.
I strongly recommend reading it if you want to see the reflection of your life in correlation with what current online platforms actually are doing for your life.

Not only that, the neuroscience of social media’s effect on the brain, dopamine loops, and the spread of misinformation, including influence in our choices, from marketing to politics, have both positive and negative effects in our lives.
‘The Hype Machine’ says don’t make decisions emotionally by trusting only online platforms because they are just influencing you for business.
They want you to come again and again, they want you to take action now, they want you to spend more time on these platforms.
It is designed this way if you are not conscious, careful, and proactive.
In many cases, the reality is, these platforms are designed to hook us, creating an “immediate satisfaction” that blurs our long-term vision and judgement and inspires us to make mediocre or incorrect decisions.

One fact is, online platforms are double-edged swords capable of giving us benefit by connecting us in different ways while also harming us if we lack mental clarity and judgement.
Always learn how to separate emotions from real actions which need serene judgment offline.
Remember, the most important asset in life isn’t your skill or education or any property that you possess, the most important asset is your clear thinking power and your judgment.
And the hardest truth is you can’t earn them until you practice to earn them.

Conclusion

The brutal fact is, time spent on online platforms as a cheap consumer is time taken away from practicing creative works, happiness projects, family conversations, and engaging in real world experiences that fuel fresh perspectives and beauty in life.
Humans are amazing creatures because sometimes we also need boredom for creativity.
These easily accessible online platforms eliminate our quiet, bored moments which are essential for imaginative growth, and self-reflection.
Time with our spouse and family members, actually, is a prerequisite for our creative work, so just don’t underestimate it.

Mahatma Gandhi said “Be the change you want to see.”
For me ‘the change’ is to invite my mental clarity and clear judgment when online mode is ‘off’ and offline mode is ‘on’.
Both mental clarity and clear judgement are precursors of human happiness.
And, always remember, to live a life is a necessity, but to live a happy life is an art which starts with your spouse and family.
Make your spouse and your family your best cheerleader in your creative life.

Yam Timsina, PhD, writes primarily on health basics, scientific progress, social upliftment, and value creation.
Disclaimer: “Please note that some links in this post are affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission if you make a purchase through them, at no extra cost to you.”