Recently, I read a book by Mel Robbins called ‘Let Them Theory.’
I found this book so enticing, simple, and very practical to apply in everyday life. I definitely will read it again at some point in the future when I feel it’s a necessity again, especially when life spirals downhill with no motivation.
The basic principle in ‘Let Them Theory’ is to focus on your life rather than what other people think, do, or make opinions about you.
Pretty much other people’s opinion, and especially their judgment has no place in your personal and professional life.
The truth is everyone’s life is unique and doesn’t match with other people. We are more than eight billion people on the planet now and each one of us is struggling with our unique circumstances.
“When we are stressed, our goals, dreams, health status, patience, rationality, thinking power, consistency, and compounding habits all go out of balance.”
Thinking about other people and their opinions is just a waste of time and energy, it’s just a noise.
Ignore it completely as much as possible.
Rather focus on your life just saying ‘Let Them’ and immediately follow it by ‘Let Me’.
By doing this, you preserve your power on you, not on other people who say many things about you because they have not understood you with your core values.
When you say ‘Let Them’ and immerse yourself in the actions of ‘Let Me’, you get liberation and freedom and you will have control over your life.
When you feel freedom you remove jealousy, anger, and ego.
Think about this, these are the biggest emotional culprits in human life.
Mel Robbins distinguishes the fact that letting it go is different from ‘Let Them’. Because letting go makes us feel like a loser and we feel like surrendering most of the time but ‘Let Them’ feels like we are gaining strength and power.
That is the key invigorating point I found in the book which I was interpreting differently in the past.
This principle basically helps us to relieve from chronic stress, depleted focus, and comparison habits, and elevates our mindset on what matters most in our life.
When we are stressed, our goals, dreams, health status, patience, rationality, thinking power, consistency, and compounding habits all go out of balance.
The most annoying part is our brain goes into survival mode all the time.
Dr. Aditi Nerurker, MD, a physician at Harvard Medical School and author of “The 5 Resets” says, “Seven out of ten people are currently living in a chronic state of stress. Because of it, their amygdala, which controls stress in our brain, is always in ‘on’ mode rather than the prefrontal cortex, which is supposed to be controlling everything for normal life, but is always in ‘off’ mode.”
“Permanent peace and stability arrives in our life only once we achieve freedom.”
While reading ‘Let Them Theory’, I recalibrated my existing mindset multiple times.
I’ve written a few contents on human freedom before and I always wanted to have it in my own life so I decided to add something extra value to it while snacking on walnuts.
I acquired this nut eating habit from Dr. Michael Greger, MD, author of ‘How Not to Age’ who is a proponent of nut eating as a health and longevity hack.
Research indicates that the healthiest nut probably is walnuts because of high antioxidant and omega-3 levels, and are very powerful to improve artery function in our body.
Remember, according to research data, walnuts are the only to beat other nuts in suppressing cancer cell growth in vitro.
I was writing this content and my lovely wife Dipika suddenly entered my small home office room which I have maintained over the last few years and asked me a question like a scientific researcher would ask, “Is there something that you have dreamed of doing for a long time but haven’t done yet?”
By hearing it, my mind synchronized automatically and asked her “What?”
To be honest, I felt more stressed by hearing her question because it was relevant to what I was thinking.
I looked at her eyes but questioned myself “Why am I not free yet? Why do I always feel a bit stressed? Why haven’t I done what I am looking for yet?”
I’d come home that day with a tired long work schedule and started to write just to get clarity into my mind influenced by ‘Let ThemTheory’.
My mind always becomes a little bit clear when I write something about it, this has become my habit for a couple of years now.
Honestly, I was not making a good relationship with my inner self recently, my mind was not loving what I was doing.
There was a huge disconnection, I was looking for some kind of peace and stability in my life, I didn’t know what it looked like.
And I know permanent peace and stability arrives in our life only once we achieve freedom.
“Mel Robbins: Whatever you do in life, people will judge you. It’s time to give people the freedom to think what they want. Let them.”
Any freedom doesn’t make us worthy of peace until we are aware of it, including our own freedom with our most hated work.
Only our existence and our experience does make us worthy of peace.
We will spend our entire life from the day we are born to the day we die with only one person.
Mel Robbins, author of ‘Let Them Theory’ says “You are the only love of your life.”
I completely agree, I’m the only love of my life.
Then why I’m not free yet and stress out about everything whatever is happening in my life.
In my experience, there are three pillars to our freedom: clarity, intention, and movement.
That means how clear you are about your freedom path, are you intentional about it, especially the value of your freedom, and how fast you are moving for it.
In reality, I’m not making any measurable progress in any area.
It’s our responsibility to understand these three pillars and adopt a flexible mentality and proactive approach to our freedom.
We have so much power in our freedom and some of our most favorite activities are just waiting for us to go for it.
After reading Mel Robbins’s ‘Let Them Theory‘, I became more clear about my hindrance though I was a little bit aware about it before but not hundred percent clear.
My biggest hurdle is why do I focus on other people rather than focusing on the value of my time and purpose in my life?
I’m really impressed by the data and experiences that Mel Robbins put in the book, saying, “Whatever you do in life, people will judge you. It’s time to give people the freedom to think what they want. Let them. It’s time to set yourself free and let me make the small moves boldly and unapologetically that over time will transform your entire life.”
“Nobody wants to be controlled, we want to feel deeply accepted for who we are, and where we are in our life, this is what real freedom looks like.”
Remember, one average person has about 70,000 thoughts in a day and most of them are random and uncontrollable.
It’s almost impossible to go after other people’s opinions and thoughts.
When we become brave enough to be ourselves in ‘Let Me’ actions, we’re in control because we’re choosing who gets my time, energy, and focus and who doesn’t.
That is where our real freedom power lies.
In my case particularly, my physical environment is playing a crucial role in my mental, spiritual, and physical health.
A lot of things from my surroundings, my fixed mindset, clutter around my room, the food in my fridge, the people I spend time with, the activities in my day job, and my weekends at home, all are equally contributing to slowing my freedom progress.
I’m just looking for comfort, cheap dopamine, and procrastinating the real task.
Due to the same reason, sometimes, I put unnecessary pressure on my wife and kids because I know from the bottom of my heart that I am not happy with myself.
It’s just the reflection of our dissatisfaction with our current life.
Remember, human happiness is directly connected to our freedom.
Dr. Alok Kanojia, MD, a psychiatrist and author of ‘How to Raise a Healthy Gamer’ said “Pressuring other people backfires because you don’t understand the way people are wired. Human beings will always feel like choosing what is pleasurable now, and avoiding what feels painful.”
No one wants to feel pressured by their friends, family, or loved ones.
What a free and happy person wants is unconditional love, acceptance, kindness, and compassion.
Nobody wants to be controlled, we want to feel deeply accepted for who we are, and where we are in our life, this is what real freedom looks like.
“Our freedom elevates us mentally, physically, and spiritually into the next level to live this wonderful life.”
I knew from the bottom of my heart that what I need in my life is real freedom.
I am not happy with a lot of things in my life right now, I just want to be myself but giving too much time to become somebody else who has nothing to do with my life.
Freedom is the most precious and extraordinary experience to observe in life.
You can eat anything, no problem, all food noises are gone, you feel healthy, you feel amazing, it’s your freedom.
You can travel anywhere in the world because you have both time and money, this is your freedom.
You can walk into any place and find things in your size, maybe shoes or clothing, whatever that might be, it feels you have your favorite things around which make you energetic, it’s your freedom.
You have the power to stop your abusive boss looking at his eyes, telling him not to bullshitting any more because you’ve enough savings in your bank account to live, this is your real freedom.
When I read Warren Buffett’s life story a few years ago, I realized that he was just 11 years old but already thinking about his future freedom by buying three shares of Cities Service Preferred at $38 per share because he acted intentionally for his future freedom.
You can sit on your home’s sunroom window seat and read that book you weren’t able to read before because you can take days off easily now, this is your freedom.
Imagine this.
You can surprise your aging mother at home by giving a call on Monday at 1pm for a long talk and saying I love you and I’m missing you as the rest of the world is busy at work, this is your real freedom.
Our freedom is unimaginably good and we all aim to have it at some point in our life. Whether we achieve it or not, that’s a different story.
Our freedom elevates us mentally, physically, and spiritually into the next level to live this wonderful life.
“Basil is an adaptogen that means it can improve the body’s resilience to various physical and emotional stressors.”
I learned one important practical knowledge from ‘Let Them Theory’.
Sometimes, in life, the most loving things we can do is to stop fixing, start accepting, be more loving, and focus on what we can control.
I learned this hard way from my own life, family, my wife, my kids, my parents, and my siblings.
My past life was more of a fixation, I spent too much time fixing myself and other people.
One thing I’ve learned over the years is that we can achieve our freedom if we become intentional and proactive in our own habits and thinking process rather than other people.
Freedom does not mean we want more of anything in life, rather how to use the limited time that we have on the earth just by implementing ‘Let Them’ and ‘Let Me’ theories.
More doesn’t always bring more freedom by any means, sometimes, less of something even harmful is also beneficial like little stress in mind.
I am a scientist by profession so I’m correlating this with some scientific examples.
We know that reactive oxygen species, ROS, are cancer precursors in our body.
But some reactive oxygen species in small quantities are beneficial as signals for certain cell activities in our body even though they are harmful.
Similarly, excess of any good things is not always beneficial either.
For example, if we take large quantities of antioxidants containing foods, they might interfere with important messaging systems in our body because mitochondria send reactive oxygen species as signals for autophagy, a recycling program for cell components.
Even though doctors and nutritionists always preach we need to eat more antioxidants in our food to become healthy.
Be always careful, balance is the key, moderation is the key whatever it may be.
Nowadays, I want to avoid my fixation mindset as much as possible.
Rather, I want to create a more ‘Let Them’ and ‘Let Me’ mindset.
I drink basil leaves with hot water regularly and feel relaxed if I’m tired and stressed from anything or from long hours of work.
Basil is an adaptogen that means it can improve the body’s resilience to various physical and emotional stressors.
Some good adaptogens are ashwagandha, rhodiola, ginseng, and holy basil also called tulsi.
Trust me, they work, it’s not only from science but also from my own experience.
“Good health is the most precious freedom in our lives that we generally take for granted, and remember, mitochondria, they are in our body as freedom fighters.”
David Winston, author of ‘Adaptogens’ says “Adaptogens are substances which are non-toxic, tonic herbs that restore balance, enhance stamina, and improve the body’s resistance to, and recovery from, physical, chemical, and psychological stress.”
One of my other ‘Let Me’ mindset I have developed over the years is energy preservation and production mode in life.
I learned the immense importance of mitochondria in our body, especially when we start aging.
I want to take care of my mitochondria which are tiny machines in our cells for our health and longevity because they are energy producers.
Remember, mitochondria are in panic mode if our life is stressful.
Doug Wallace is a pioneer in mitochondrial DNA, says “Many common, age related, and degenerative diseases result from inherited or accumulated mitochondrial mutations calling them diseases of energy production.”
Remember the fact, mitochondrial DNA is inherited only from our mother.
It means my children have only my wife Dipika’s mitochondrial DNA, which she inherited from her mother, my mother-in-law Shobha, who inherited it from her mother.
My mitochondrial DNA which I inherited from my mother Deu Kumari, who got it from her mother.
The fact is, almost 40 percent of each heart muscle cell is made up of mitochondria, mitochondria in the heart use mainly fatty acids to generate ATP, but mitochondria in your brain use mostly glucose.
This means we must eat both quality fat and quality carbohydrate in our everyday food to remain healthy, well being, and stress free.
I’m giving these healthy tips because good health is the most precious freedom in our lives that we generally take for granted.
One more information regarding mitochondria, one peptide called humanin is a mitochondrial derived peptide and is protective in nature. It is a key communicator between mitochondria and the rest of the cell.
It declines with age so good food habits with olive oil, legumes are a must.
It is protective against various diseases including neurodegenerative diseases, diabetes, and cardiovascular diseases, especially at old age.
Why did I tell a lot about mitochondria because I put mitochondria in our body as freedom fighters.
Conclusion
Jeff Walker, author of ‘Launch‘, an amazing book to read especially for youngsters, says “Success is about putting in the reps.”
It means to be successful we have to show up everyday and do the boring, irritating, and uncomfortable work. We have got to put in the reps.
For me, reps are nothing but an ounce of activity that brings freedom and happiness. By practicing ‘Let Them’ and ‘Let Me’ theories, it becomes a lot easier to achieve them.
Remember, we can continue these reps only if we are healthy, happy, and free in the process of living a life.
Bottom line, focus on your health, focus on your family, focus on your boring daily work, focus on your relationships, focus on your savings and investment for retirement, not on what other people are talking about you.
Yam Timsina, PhD, writes primarily on health basics, scientific progress, social upliftment, and value creation.
Disclaimer: “Please note that some links in this post are affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission if you make a purchase through them, at no extra cost to you.”
