Do you need other people’s advice when you are in pain?

Every one of us is not perfect, we all are trying to figure our own shit out, this is part of who we are. Everybody is struggling, everybody has a space to grow towards perfection.

One of the biggest hindrances of our growth is anxiety.
Anxiety banishes the good nature of human experience.
We suffer a lot from anxiety but that is nothing more than an imbalance in our daily life.
Many of these imbalances we create by our personal and professional habits.
If we want to grow, we have to accept every pain or anxiety as a bad day, not a bad life.
Life is a series of bad and good days, our only effort should be how to minimize bad days and maximize good days.

What we have to understand is that when we wake up in the morning, our body produces cortisol as an energy stimulant.
This is a natural chemical in our body that lets us for a fresh start each day and everyday.
But it is the same hormone which is also produced when we’re stressed and worried.
This means the same chemical works in two different ways in our body.
We have a control system for our own body chemicals.
This is also indicating that we have to know how to utilize our body secretion properly for our growth, prosperity and happiness.

There are two simple recommendations I can provide, from my own personal experience, if you’re imploding with anxiety and worry all the time.
The first is shower everyday with cold water after you wake up, whether you go out or not, you will start your day feeling pride and a sense of accomplishment.
This comes into play because you are calming down your body chemistry.
Not only that, a typical manifestation of each person’s orderliness starts from shower every morning.

The second is don’t scroll your electronic device first thing in the morning, don’t fill your mind with other people’s stuff.
Don’t start your day letting your mind compare your stuff with others.
Reserve the morning slot for you, for your peace, health, and growth.
If we learn how to own our morning, we will elevate life by decimating anxiety.
Start the day with deep breathing: breath slowly, inhale by nose and exhale by mouth, 3 times, repeat a couple of more times.
That’s it.
Now your body becomes a good reservoir for all day activities.

We all know how it feels when we’re in pain.
But know this, pain is not a weakness everytime, it’s also a strength.
There is a power inside pain to connect us as humans because every pain is different.
Ask a mom who lost her 23 years old son in a car accident, what pain is.
Ask your neighbor who lost her spouse due to COVID-19, what suffering is.
We must absorb these pain experiences in our body and mind but never ever compare our neighbor’s pain, who lost her spouse due to COVID-19, with mom’s pain, who lost her 23 years old son in an accident.
Because these two people have completely different kinds of pain. No comparison.
This is the only way pain works in our lives.
Pain is personal, absolutely personal.
Pain teaches us how to show our inside out but in our own way.
Pain could be our greatest strength, but the best strategy is not to rely on it in all situations, we must save it for emergencies.
There is a good reason that we have a saying, “ the more the body suffers, the more the spirit flowers.”

One of the most important things we have to keep in mind is that any kind of advice for anything from other people (except trained professionals in the areas) may or may not work for us because advice is also personal.
And most of these advice are biased based on your relationship to that person.
It’s natural.
It is generally offered through the eyes of somebody’s own experience.
Your experience for anything happening in your life is completely different than somebody else’s.
Every personal situation encompasses a few unscrupulous individuals, so you’re always better off if you find your own facts rather than rely on someone else.
We can still show our courtesy by thanking the person for suggestions but we’re not obliged to follow all of them.
In many situations, others’ advice helps us to be chess pieces not the chess player.

Even family members’ advice doesn’t work all the time.
Remember, Michael Dell, Bill Gates, and Larry Ellison, the greatest tech-savvy billionaires and the most successful innovators of our time.
They all are college dropouts, they all couldn’t follow their parents advice not to drop out of college.
Their parents’ advice didn’t work for them because their life experiences were different from their parents’ experiences.

We can take other people’s advice as a risk even though many of us are scared when we hear the word risk.
Risk in life is something that happens regularly but we must know how to quantify the damage.
Uncertainty in life is more dangerous than risk because it can happen at any moment and no one can figure out the damage.
The bottom line is, if we don’t know how to quantify the risk then somebody else’s advice may lead us to uncertainty.

As a human being, we might not experience the same after pain, but sure we can still shine.
Hiding our pain-scars inside does not do good for us, we have to wear them as pride and tackle every single day.

The truth of the matter is we aren’t entitled to be happy all the time.
The world doesn’t owe anything from us.
We are emotional creatures, we must experience sadness, grief, frustration, anger, hate, loss, which we cannot ignore.
But we always have to strive for a fulfilled life.
Happy life might be short but fulfilled isn’t.
If happy life craves for knowledge then a fulfilled life is for wisdom.
If we aim for fulfilled life then pain is no more weakness, it becomes strength.

Suffering from pain requires rest, complete and full rest.
Rest is not a pastime, it is the gasoline for the body to recharge.
Albert Einstein, the greatest genius of our time, used to play the piano and violin that helped him relax, focus, and get back to his scientific work.
Einstein’s wife, Elsa once said, “I fell in love with Albert because he played Mozart so beautifully on the violin.”

Though rest is essential for our mental and physical well being but we cannot take rest if we have unfinished tasks or goals pending.
This is one biggest cause of our anxiety.
According to Baumeister and Tierney, authors of “Willpower”, we don’t have to finish the task to take rest but we must have a plan to finish the task.
If we have a plan to finish the task, we don’t wake up in the middle of the night just thinking about the pending task and pending deadline because our unconscious mind stops asking questions to the conscious mind about the unfinished task.
Just planning is also so much more powerful even if we are far from finishing the task.
To fully utilize the advantage of rest in life, we must create the mental workflow and habit of executing them according to plan.

Finally, solitude is another tool to turn pain into strength and happiness.
We shouldn’t fear solitude, we have to recognize that it is normal, healthy and it’s essential.
Spending time alone has huge advantages in life.
Modern research has shown again and again that solitude fosters creativity, boosts self-knowledge, compassion, and lowers stress.
The only approval we need is our own way to isolate our body and mind from others for the time being.
Solitude empowers compassion.
Spiritual leader Dalai Lama has said and I quote here, “ if you want others to be happy, practise compassion, if you want to be happy, practise compassion.”

Thank you for your time.
– Yam Timsina