Bob said, “I am stuck here in my cubicle but my school friend Robin is in Vienna enjoying his life”.
He further added, “I saw his Facebook and Instagram posts recently”.
Nowadays, these are everyday gossips we hear all the time in all places.
Because we don’t have time to compare our lives to our past self, but we always have time to compare our lives to other people’s lives.
Theodore Roosevelt, the 26th president of the United States, elegantly said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” If we compare our life to others, we get nothing but envy, the worst enemy of all.
Remember, knowing, doing, and then realizing what you knew and what you did, is the most powerful leverage in life.
Not spending time to realize where you were is certainly the road to dissatisfaction, and road to unhappiness.
We rarely spend time in comparison of knowing, doing, and the final realization of the outcome in our own life.
Our comparison to other’s lives only make us overwhelmed, anxious, and negative.
“Envy is a bitter human emotion, we all feel it, it’s really hard to manage if we become addicted on it.”
Robert Greene, the author of ‘The 48 Laws of Power‘ emphasizes that envy is the chronic disease of our mindset, we can become influenced negatively so fast by the success of others.
There is nothing wrong with this attitude because it it natural but it hinders our self-reflection and self-growth because we completely forget our own root and the path that we traveled in the past.
Abhi is a Fortune 500 corporate CFO.
Natasha drives BMW.
But, I drive a Chevrolet.
This pattern of thinking is the key to our frustration.
Who we are as individuals, what we actually want, and what are our core values become overshadowed when we compare ourselves to others in various things.
BMW might give a little more comfort in our body while driving, but both cars are tools to solve our problems in the same way and most importantly both are not different for our mental experiences.
The funny part is our mind doesn’t distinguish BMW and Chevrolet, it only absorbs the experience of driving.
It doesn’t mean I am against BMW, I am just against comparison. Jordan Peterson, a psychologist and author of ‘12 Rules for Life‘ said “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today”.
We are so quick to idolize ourselves to Bill Gates, Elon Musk, and Tony Robbins and think that their path to success is our key to happiness.
But we never review our everyday activities, habits, and especially diets that what dictates our thought process.
Envy is a bitter human emotion, we all feel it.
It’s really hard to manage if we become addicted on it.
“Remember, to observe what he or she is doing is knowledge but whether I should follow it or not is a wisdom.”
Envy also deviates our focus from our own task and destination.
We waste our time and energy, we erase our own goals and become attracted to passing-by shiny objects around us.
When we have envious feelings, we try to copy someone else’s success, we completely forget our own path and struggle.
Adam Grant, the author of ‘Think Again‘ emphasizes that we sometimes forget that there are different paths to reach the same destination, we should be careful to avoid getting too attached to one route or a particular destination in our lives.
Wrong comparison is actually the cause of envy, we shouldn’t compare our first chapter of a book to someone else’s final chapter. Each of us has different titles and different chapters in life.
We shouldn’t compare fictional stories with non-fiction stories because both have different sets of target readers.
Each of our life has different paths to lead different destinations without traffic signals. It’s our job to create the traffic signals and move forward in our own pace.
Mahatma Gandhi never compared his revolution with other rulers across the world who used force and weapons in their demonstrations.
In his time period, no rulers were doing peaceful demonstrations across the globe.
He was exceptionally good to follow his sheer determination and wisdom, not to follow what others do.
Mahatma Gandhi, in his famous “Quit India” speech inspired every single indian to liberate themselves from British rule without using violence through peaceful protests.
Mahatma Gandhi is not only the inspiration of individuality but also the symbol of wisdom.
When we compare ourselves to others, we become blind to differentiate among information, knowledge and wisdom.
Information is simply facts or data or somebody’s opinion; but knowledge is information of value.
If we are unable to differentiate these two, then we will remain foolish even though we watch news all day on television and smart phones.
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a nutritious vegetable with phytonutrient lycopene but wisdom is not putting tomato in desserts.
Never ever think that having an abundance of knowledge is the same as having an abundance of wisdom. Remember, to observe what he or she is doing is knowledge but whether I should follow it or not is a wisdom.
The actual understanding of relationships among these elements: information, knowledge, and wisdom is possible when we stop comparing our lives with others but only with our own past self. This acknowledges our focus on self-knowledge and self-mastery to bring wisdom as taught by Lao Tzu, a legendary Chinese philosopher. Watch Dean Furness’s TedTalk “To overcome challenges, stop comparing yourself to others.”
“Anything great in life, if anybody has ever done, is from the process of trial and error.”
When we compare ourselves to others we become more envious, we start to work more, most of the time grossly, not with a cool and calculated mindset.
We think working more might be the only option, we confuse ourselves and think that more is always better.
Alex Steffen, the author of ‘Worldchanging‘ said “More is not better, better is better.”
This feeling of better inside us comes when we are free from comparison.
Envious people also start to work more in negative perception and the more work turns into fatigue.
Fatigue leads to compromise in our health, family, and friends.
It’s definitely not better.
If we aim for more in a corrosive environment, we invite stress, conflicts, and deterioration.
But if we aim for better with self-reflection, we invite greater freedom.
Multiple scientific research has shown this trend over and over again.
I remember the conversation between two dads in a runners club outing where I was also a participant.
One dad said, “My friend, I rarely get chance to see my daughters, that’s a risk you have to take in life.”
Another dad replied, “Do you think that it is really worthy?”
The first dad added, “No option, I have to make payments for my Bentley.”
The second dad again replied, “Nissan runs the same like Bentley but the difference is Nissan gets time to give rides for your daughters but Bentley doesn’t.”
I just listened, inspired my soul and mind but didn’t respond.
The conversation was thought provoking and worth-consuming.
However, there is also a good part of envy which is the result of comparison.
Sometimes envy becomes like a forest fire, we all know envy isn’t good, but it also stimulates some part of our human brain.
The forest fire burns the old and dead trees to make space for new trees to grow.
The good news is that the heat of the fire pops open the seeds so new trees can grow.
Same happens with envy in our lives.
Imagine a new tree can’t grow while the fire is still burning, a new mind with new identity can’t grow higher while the current envy is still inside us.
However, as soon as our current envy dries out and a new mind begins, the new brain kicks off.
One more disadvantage of envy. Envy diminishes trial and error from our life, we just compare the final outcome.
We hope for the best, and become dreamers, we develop the habit of comparing ourselves to others during lunch and dinner, that’s it.
Anything great in life, if anybody has ever done in life, is from the process of trial and error.
They try something, They see results, if happy They continue, if not they eliminate.
Science is so fascinating that it doesn’t allow us to prove anything, it only allows us to disprove our thoughts by our own results.
We can accept and keep working on the remaining thoughts until we can’t disprove it.
But if we become envious by comparison, we disprove it without working.
We never try, we never take even a small risk of working to disprove it.
Conclusion
Risk taking is essential skillset to sooth our envious character.
We all know there is still a chance, one in a million chance that when we go on a car trip, we may die.
But, we don’t, however, let it stop to visit our dad or mom.
We don’t let it stop to visit our grandma and grandpa.
Or do you?
Then why are you afraid to take even minor risks in life?
Take a risk and sooth the envy.
Remember, we all came into this world naked and we will leave this world naked, we are here to fill the gap of birth and death by our own choices in life.
Be humble, dump your envy, and never ever compare yourself to anybody else.
Fred Rogers, a television personality and author of ‘You Are Special‘ said “You are unique in this generation, there is nobody like you on the planet.”
Yam Timsina, PhD, writes primarily on health basics, scientific progress, social upliftment, and value creation.
Disclaimer: “Please note that some links in this post are affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission if you make a purchase through them, at no extra cost to you.”
