Every one of us is not perfect, we all are trying to figure our own shit out, this is part of who we are. Everybody is struggling, everybody has a space to grow towards perfection.
One of the biggest hindrances of our growth is anxiety, worry, and stress.
They banish the good nature of human experience.
We suffer a lot from these emotional states but that is nothing more than an imbalance in our daily life.
Many of these imbalances we create by our personal and professional habits.
If we want to grow, we have to accept every pain or anxiety or stress as a bad day, not a bad life.
Jim Rohn, an entrepreneur and motivational speaker said “Life is a series of bad and good days, our only effort should be how to minimize bad days and maximize good days.”
“Reserve the morning slot for you, only for you, for your peace, health, and growth.”
What we have to understand is that when we wake up in the morning, our body produces cortisol as an energy stimulant.
This is a natural chemical in our body that lets us for a fresh start each day and everyday.
But it is the same hormone which is also produced when we’re stressed and worried.
This means the same chemical works in two different ways in our body, it’s a “double-edged sword” with both positive and negative consequences.
We have a control system for our own body chemicals if we know how to use it.
This is also indicating that we have to know how to utilize our body secretion properly for our growth, prosperity and happiness.
There are two simple recommendations I can provide, from my own personal experience, if you’re imploding with anxiety and worry all the time.
The first is shower everyday with cold water after you wake up, whether you go out or not, you will start your day feeling pride and a sense of accomplishment.
This comes into play because you are calming down your body chemistry.
Not only that, a typical manifestation of each person’s orderliness in personal and professional life starts from shower every morning. I didn’t know this before, once I started I realized how important it is for our body. It’s a small thing but we don’t do it regularly.
The second is don’t scroll your electronic device first thing in the morning, don’t fill your mind with other people’s stuff.
Don’t start your day letting your mind compare your stuff and your life with others.
Reserve the morning slot for you, only for you, for your peace, health, and growth.
If we learn how to own our morning which are just couple of hours, we will elevate life by decimating anxiety, stress, and worry.
I always start the day with deep breathing: breath slowly, inhale by nose and exhale by mouth, 5 times, repeat a couple of more times.
That’s it.
Now your body becomes a good reservoir for all day activities.
Congratulations. In my case, once I read the book ‘The Miracle Morning‘ by Hal Elrod, I developed different mindset on specific things to build energy, focus, and motivation from the start of my day.
“Every personal situation goes through a few individuals, so you’re always better off if you find your own facts and reasons rather than rely on outsider.”
We all know how it feels when we’re in pain.
But the truth is, pain is not a weakness every time, it’s also a strength.
There is a power inside pain to connect us as humans because every pain is different.
Ask a mom who lost her 23 years old son in a car accident, what pain is.
Ask your neighbor who lost her spouse due to COVID, what suffering looks like.
We must absorb these pain experiences in our body and mind but never ever compare to our neighbor’s pain, who lost her spouse due to COVID, or with mom’s pain, who lost her 23 years old son in an accident.
Because we all have completely different kinds of pain in life. No comparison.
This is the only way pain works in our lives, pain is personal, absolutely personal.
Pain teaches us how to show our inside out but in our own unique way.
Pain could be our greatest strength, but the best strategy is not to rely on it in all situations, we must save it for emergencies.
There is a good reason that David Blaine, a magician and endurance performer said, “The more the body suffers, the more the spirit flowers.” Roy F. Baumeister, a psychologis and the author of must read book ‘Willpower‘ emphasizes the belief that physical deprivation and suffering can lead to profound spiritual or mental growth and resilience.
One of the most important things we have to keep in mind is that any kind of advice for anything from other people except trained professionals may or may not work for us because advice is also personal.
From my own experience, most of these advice are biased based on our relationship to that person.
It’s natural, it happens.
It is generally offered through the eyes of somebody’s own experience.
Your experience for anything happening in your life is completely different than my experience for the same thing in my life.
Every personal situation goes through a few individuals, so you’re always better off if you find your own facts and reasons rather than rely on outsider.
I generally still show my courtesy by thanking the person for suggestions but I’m not obliged to follow all of them.
In many situations, other people advice has helped me to become myself a tool not the tool maker.
“Hiding our pain inside does not do good for us, we have to wear them as pride and tackle every single day with new challenge.”
Even family members’ advice doesn’t work all the time, especially when we are in pain.
Just for example, take Michael Dell, Bill Gates, and Larry Ellison, the greatest technology billionaires and the most successful innovators of our time.
They all are college dropouts, they all couldn’t follow their parents advice not to drop out of college.
Their parents’ advice didn’t work for them because their life experiences and inner desire were different from their parents’ experiences.
I generally take other people’s advice as a risk in my life even though risk is not a common word to use.
Risk in life is something that happens regularly but we must know how to quantify the damage it creates.
Uncertainty in life is more dangerous than risk itself because it can happen at any time and no one can figure out the damage it brings. John Kay, the author, in his book ‘Radical Uncertainty‘, emphasize the danger of treating all of life’s decisions as if they are calculable risks, when they involve fundamental uncertainty.
The bottom line is, if we don’t know how to quantify the risk then somebody else’s advice may lead our life to uncertainty.
As an emotional human being, we might not experience the same feeling after pain, but sure we can still shine no matter what.
Hiding our pain inside does not do good for us, we have to wear them as pride and tackle every single day with new challenge.
“Roy F. Baumeister: We don’t have to finish the task to take rest but we must have a plan to finish the task.”
The natural rule is we aren’t entitled to be happy all the time, the world doesn’t owe anything from us.
We are emotional creatures, we must experience sadness, grief, frustration, anger, hate, loss, which we cannot ignore.
But we always have to destine for a fulfilled life, happy life might be short but fulfilled isn’t.
If happy life craves for new knowledge, a fulfilled life craves for wisdom.
Marcus Aurelius, a Stoic philosopher and author of ‘Meditations‘ said “If we aim for fulfilled life then pain is no more weakness, it becomes strength.”
In my experience, suffering from pain requires a deep rest, complete physical and mental rest.
Rest is not an optional choice, it is the gasoline for the body to recharge.
Albert Einstein, the greatest genius of our time, used to play the piano and violin that helped him relax, focus, and get back to his scientific work.
Einstein’s wife, Elsa once said, “I fell in love with Albert because he played Mozart so beautifully on the violin.”
Though rest is essential for our mental and physical well being but we cannot take rest if we have unfinished tasks pending.
This is one biggest cause of our anxiety and stress in modern life.
According to Roy F. Baumeister, professor and author of “Willpower”, “We don’t have to finish the task to take rest but we must have a plan to finish the task.”
If we have a plan to finish the task, we don’t wake up in the middle of the night just thinking about the pending task and pending deadline because our unconscious mind stops asking questions to the conscious mind about the unfinished task.
Just planning is also so much more powerful even if we are far from finishing the task.
To fully utilize the advantage of rest in life, we must create the mental workflow and habit of executing them according to plan. This is another way to turn pain into progress.
Conclusion
Finally, solitude is another tool to turn pain into strength and happiness.
We shouldn’t fear solitude, we have to recognize and nurture it accordingly, it is normal, healthy and it’s essential.
Spending time alone has huge advantages in life physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Modern research has shown again and again that solitude fosters creativity, boosts self-knowledge, compassion, and lowers stress.
The only approval we need is our own way to isolate our body and mind from others for the time being.
Solitude empowers compassion, empathy, and gratitude.
One of the best book I ever read about happiness is Dalai Lama‘s ‘The Art of Happiness,’ he said and I quote here, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion, if you want to be happy, practice compassion.” I strongly recommend watching actor Betty Hart’s TedTalk “How compassion could save your strained relationships?”
Yam Timsina, PhD, writes primarily on health basics, scientific progress, social upliftment, and value creation.
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