To be happy means to experience that we are alive. -Anonymous
I was scrolling a news on my mobile phone.
Suddenly, I saw a couple at the corner table with espresso coffee and banana muffins.
I wasn’t in a good mood, I don’t know why, a bit depressed, thinking about a lot of things in my life: my unpublished research, no time for family and kids, flat mundane career, no time to travel, and obviously, not enough money. Name a few of them.
In addition to that, I was also worried about my legacy for my children because I was hitting halfway through my life if everything is normal.
What I was having at the coffee shop was a kind of frequent recurring thoughts in my mind?
Maybe I was a bit overwhelmed, so no peace of mind.
The bottom line is, at least, I wasn’t happy with my life.
Happiness is a subjective experience, each one of us experiences a different kind of happiness even at the same time, so my happiness can’t be yours
Suddenly, the same couple sitting at the corner table approached me and handed me a Christmas card.
On the back side of the card there were five very important quotes from very influential people.
One particular quote from Anne Frank, the author of ‘The Diary of a Young Girl‘ is still in my head: “think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.”By the way, if you are not aware about ‘The Diary of a Young Girl‘; this is one of the most compelling personal documents coming out of World War II.
After reading these five quotes, I wasn’t the same person as before entering the coffee shop.
I smiled to myself, a little bit excited, at least I was happy for a moment due to the endorphin flow brought by these quotes.
Quotes are creative human expressions, and a lot of times we try to live by them based on our lifestyle. Sometimes it’s possible to live by these quotes, sometimes it doesn’t.
Quotes not only speak our inner voice they also speak what is outside of our life.
In my case, these quotes which I read were real and took me to a higher energy level for a moment.
I don’t know why, but I felt a different kind of happiness when I finished reading them. May be I was motivated a little bit.
Yes, I am sometimes unhappy, but I am also brave to move on. And, yes, I am not perfect, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also worthy of happy person.
Dr. Brené Brown, PhD, the author of ‘The Gifts of Imperfection‘ said, “If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging.” I’m thinking, can’t this be applied to happiness?
I was questing myself, did the couple transfer little happiness to me?
I am still reflecting now, getting a bit emotional remembering a past incident at the moment.
Am I crazy to think about that small past moment again?
But wait, life itself is the combination of many small moments which we don’t get time to cherish.
Do I feel happy right now?
Well, how to know?
My mind is still not accepting the present reality that I’m happy because I’m constantly searching for something which I don’t have at the moment.
I’m very anxious because I’m worried about the future.
Why do we need a constant push of flows to remain happy?
Do you have any clue?
Have you ever experienced something like this before?
I learnt that happiness is a subjective experience, it’s difficult to describe because each one of us experiences a different kind of happiness even at the same time, so my happiness can’t be yours.
Could I read the happiness of the couple sitting next to me? They seemed pretty happy, laughing and talking together, cuddling to each other with sips of coffee and bites of muffins.
Hell, no, I couldn’t read their happiness externally from my mind.
I told myself, the experience that I was having at that moment was different than that of a couple, the couple couldn’t have the same experience as mine, we were two different emotional creatures.
Always share your happiness to others whatever it is, small or big, it always multiplies in different forms and speeds
As Daniel Gilbert, the author of ‘Stumbling on Happiness‘ said, “Happiness cannot be measured but we can only either participate in it or be aware of it.”
What I have seen from movies and reading from great books is: happiness is internal, it is inside us.
Many great spiritual leaders and great authors, thinkers have said that calm and silence is happiness.
Many social scientists have based their research on this topic.
The common theme is we attract happiness internally by accepting our own identity, we don’t search for it outside.
Then, why am I searching for it outside?
Because this is our human nature, we always search for happiness outside as a quick fix.
I remember one of my mentors who told me that whether the person is happy from inside or searching for happiness outside, always look for two simple characters.
These two characters are: unhappy people always argue, they argue a lot about anything, big or small, and most importantly, they argue to win their point of view or on anything.
The person who argues has ego, which is like chemical poison in the body, it suppresses happiness.
They don’t care about facts, figures, knowledge, and other person’s point of view. They don’t enjoy it.
Ego comes when we are not happy with our own life, we have a lot of dissatisfaction inside us, mostly created by our own self-centered confinements.
When ego is gone, humility comes, empathy comes, then we smile naturally, this is how happiness emerges inside us.
One thing I learnt over the years is that if we are happy then we discuss things with positive intention but we never argue.
Discussion is not an argument, discussion is sharing views with others, when we show a sharing attitude, our mind glows and we become happy. We produce happy hormones like dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin.
Always share or transfer your happiness to others whatever it is, small or big, it always multiplies in different forms and speeds.
I learnt this, we only become happy when we make others happy, may be our spouse, children, friends, colleagues, community, it applies to anyone around us.
Happiness is peace with whatever we have, it does not mean we should stop our growth, it means we broaden our inner mental space
The second characteristic of unhappiness is gossiping.
If we are not happy with our own life then we talk about other people.
This looks not true from outside but it is a fact. It’s a cheap dopamine explosion but hampers in a long run.
Remember, if you gossip with somebody, somebody also gossips about you in your absence.
Gossiping is the expression of our dissatisfaction about our own life in a fake happy appearance for a moment.
We are just taking time to avoid our own unhappiness for the time being. It’s same like to have a relaxation with a puff of a cigarette.
From my own experience, unhappy people mostly gossip to compare things, appearance, and habits showing the hidden motif that I am superior.
Remember, happy people always listen and talk about ideas and experiences, they don’t gossip about things, appearance, and habits of other people who are not present there.
Nowadays, happiness has been contaminated by many things. Most common are like money which never becomes enough; big house which never becomes big enough; big car which never becomes luxurious enough. There are many other things like status symbol, fame, and jewelry or luxury items.
Our happiness never becomes happy enough if we constantly look for things to possess.
Possessing things consume us very quickly if we are not aware of their nature.
In reality, happiness is peace with whatever we have. It does not mean we should stop our growth, it means we broaden our mental space.
We must know the difference between ‘have’ and ‘want’. This ‘have’ ridiculously becomes ‘want’ if we don’t practice peace in our lives.
If we develop a broader mental recalibration switch, we bring inner peace into us that is essential to remain happy
Few years ago, I met a man at my family friend’s house. He said that he made one million dollars in five years going the extra mile in his sales career.
He said that he is very happy because he made that money after a long working hours compromising his health and family time in the medical equipment sale business as a sales representative.
Few months ago, I met him again in one meeting and he shared his mom’s undiagnosed health issue. He was very worried thinking about his mom’s health condition.
I became familiar with him through our professional connection because I am also involved in the area of medical equipment research.
Few days ago he called me and shared the good news that a doctor in Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York City identified his mother’s disease.
But the doctor said it would cost upto one million dollars in total to cure the disease. His mom was suffering from a very abnormal cancer, small cell lung cancer.
My friend said to me he was so happy that his mom would be alive.
He added that finally God saw him and helped to save his mother’s life.
After our conversation, I was very happy for him that his mom’s disease got identified and will be cured soon.
After seeing my friends’ stages in life, I became quite curious about one thing in our life.
Why does this happiness move in our life so quickly?
My friend was so happy with one million dollars in his bank account, but now he is more happier to spend the money to save his mother.
What is so unique about our inner happiness?
One day I met the same friend in a Barnes and Noble book store, he shared his mom’s health again and told she is free from cancer now.
He told me that only inner peace can bring happiness to us.
He further added, “if we want to have a happy life we should nurture peace in life but we should never ask for more all the time. We humans always blame other people or things for our own suffering or unhappiness.”
“In fact, we ourselves are the cause of our suffering and unhappiness. If we develop a broader mental recalibration switch, we bring inner peace into us that is essential to remain happy,” he further added.
If we aren’t happy ourself with what we have then our unhappiness doesn’t remain confined within us. We will send this unhappiness to all of our family members, loved ones, and colleagues. They never become happy with the signal of our unhappiness.
Shawn Achor, a leading expert on happiness and author of ‘Before Happiness‘ and ‘The Happiness Advantage‘ said, “Change is possible only when we link our lives to others, and keeping our eyes on the beach, not the rocks.”
I strongly recommend to watch Shawn’s Tedtalk ‘Linking Positive Brains to Performance.’
Conclusion
Life is too short to be unhappy.
Happiness doesn’t come as a final end product, happiness is the series of small moments we pass every single day with our own actions.
We have to learn to be happy in these small moments, we have to practice to cherish these moments.
Therefore, choose happiness and always practice happiness in the process.
Shahrukh Khan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Lady Gaga aren’t happy because they are famous celebrities and have millions of followers; they are happy because they also have life like us, they have family and loved ones around them like us, they can breathe and smell this wonderful world as we do.
We don’t always get what we want in life, but if we practice gratitude, humility, and empathy, we always get what we need in life.
‘Need’ gives us a sense of fulfillment with mental clarity but ‘want’ doesn’t.
Last week, I was in the Walmart self-checking counter, behind me was an old woman waiting with a gallon of milk and some apples. That would probably cost less than five dollars.
I smiled at the lady and asked her, “Mam, you have just two items, I have many, could I scan your milk and apples first and let you go?”
“And mam, don’t worry, I will pay for you.”
The woman looked at me straight in my eyes first, she smiled and said, “God bless you.”
I still have her smile in my head.
I hope I transfer a very small happiness to her.
Remember, Socrates taught Plato, Plato also taught Aristotle, and Aristotle also taught Alexander the Great.
What do these great people have in common?
Each of these great icons transferred their happiness in the name of knowledge and wisdom.
By the way, if you know any other secrets of happiness, please share with others around you. Let’s make this world a little bit more happier together.
Yam Timsina, PhD, writes primarily on health basics, scientific progress, social upliftment, and value creation.
Disclaimer: “Please note that some links in this post are affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission if you make a purchase through them, at no extra cost to you.”
